Wacky-mole

I made this mistake of setting a bunch of unripe bananas on top of my unripe avocados. The result? Super ripe avocados and bananas. If you ever find yourself in the same conundrum, I have answers for you my friend.

What to do w/ all those bananas? Make this.

And the avocados? How about some guacamole? I call it 'wacky-mole' since I mostly use lemon juice. It's traditionally made w/ lime juice but I just don't carry limes in my fridge. Don't hate.

You're thinking you'll be relegated to dipping chips or topping Mexican food w/ this condiment, right? Wrong. A pretty popular sandwich chains makes this awesome sandwich. I had all the stuff to make my own version of the Turkey Bacon Guacamole and that's exactly what I made.

Remove flesh from the skin and depit this thing. Is that even a word? Spellcheck says no, but I'd like to petition.
See all those brown spots? These avocados were on death's door. I had to do a little surgery to remove all the brown stuff.

What makes this guacamole wacky - lemons.

Ok, so it's not that wacky. Sue me. I was having some blog writer's block.

Cilantro - classic.

Makes me think of summer.

Smashy.

Isn't the color weird in this picture?

Ooh, that's better. I only mash for a sec. Then I switch over to the knife so I get some really nice large chunks of avocado.

See that big chunk? Slice it instead of mashing.

I've made this guacamole w/ the slicing method only and it's super good. My pretty.

Ok, weird color again. And I'm too lazy to fix it in Photoshop.

It's so time consuming. Right, Tien?

Tien, are you there? It's me, Margaret.

I finally had to take one w/ the flash to make sure my eyes weren't funny.

But my eyes are funny.

Ok, I'm not writing up a recipe for a sandwich b/c that's just plain dumb.

So, take some bread. I've started liking these little sandwich thins. Only 100 calories.

So I feel less guilty about piling on the cheddar cheese.

Spinach. Guilt diminishing.

Tomatoes. Gorgeous gorgeous tomatoes. Or 'tomats' as Momma Sally likes to say.

I like to salt & pepper my tomats. It's just how it should be.

Turkey.

Bacon, one slice only. I didn't eat any bacon that morning.
Then a big shmear of wacky-mole.

Whoa. Yes friends, those are Doritos and I make no apologies.

Wacky-mole

makes roughly 3 cups, depending on the size of the avocados, about 8-10 servings

4 avocados (I had med to large sized, a little extra ripe)

1/2 c. lemon juice (about the juice of 2 lemons)

1/3 c. chopped cilantro

4 cloves garlic (this makes it SUPER garlicky, which I love)

2 tsp. salt (trust me, you need it)

1/2 tsp. pepper

Start by mincing garlic finely - I used a microplane to get an almost paste-like consistency. Split avocados lengthwise by running your knife along the round pit. Twist halves to split. Carefully remove the pit. Scoop out contents of the avocados. Immediately pour lemon juice on to the avocados to avoid browning. Add remaining ingredients and mash with a potato masher. If you like super chunky guacamole, use a knife only (in a glass or metal bowl) to slice the avocados. If a more creamy texture is desired, keep mashing or put everything in a food processor. I like mine somewhere in between if not more on the chunky side. Serve w/ pita or tortilla chips or use as a sandwich spread instead of mayo!

This stuff can turn brown pretty quickly so I say if you're not planning on using it right away, cut the recipe in half or else you'll have a bunch of Wacky-Moldy (bu-dum-chhh).

Strawberry Tart

For the few times we go to an actual grocery store and not Costco, Gabe sure does zero in on these fruit tarts (odd since he's a self proclaimed chocoholic). He regresses back to being an adolescent and starts jumping up and down and making frowny faces. I'm reminded of a kid in the cereal aisle. But the child is my grown husband. My standard response is, "Hon, we're not paying $5 for a freaking mini fruit tart, I'll make you one."

After several promised tarts, I finally decided I'd make this my Monday baking assignment.

Needless to say, next time Gabe begs for one of these when we're grocery shopping, I may just fork out the $5. While perfectly delicious, these damn tarts took all morning. In my opinion, there are too many steps. But I suppose, the payoff is this yummy strawberry tart. You can definitely make this w/ any berries, peaches would be great too.

The only thing I did differently than Anne Burrell is that I glazed the top w/ some warmed up apricot jelly. I thinned it out w/ some water and heated it up, brushed over the top to help keep the fruit moist. If anyone tries this out, I'm dying to hear from you!

Her recipe also calls for sliced almonds, I only carry whole in my pantry.

They need to be ground up anyways, so it's not like I ruined anything by changing that specification.

Mmm. Almonds.

Grind grind grind.

Flour & salt.

Looks like this when you're done.

Then the butter - 1 1/2 sticks, cold & diced.

One egg yolk.

Add butter and pulse until it is a coarse meal texture.

Then some ice water - 3 or 4 tablespoons. It's really important that it's ice water. That way it keeps the dough nice and cold, butter doesn't melt, etc.

Egg yolk added here.

And some water. Start w/ 3 tbsp and pulse.

It looked like this after 3 tbsp. of ice water, so I stopped adding anymore. The crust was pretty crumbly so I may just add the 4th tbsp. next time.

I'm not blessed w/ a marble counter top, just this slate tile of some sort, so it's hard to get the flour out of the cracks when I'm cleaning. I just use this cotton canvas mat Gabe's mom & aunt got me when they taught me how to make pie crust. Super handy!

Dump the dough out and sprinkle w/ a little flour. I was reading some food blog and the girl kept spelling flour "flower". It annoyed the crap out of me.

Knead 3 or 4 times. Then stop! Leave the dough alone for heaven's sake.

You don't want to melt all the yummy butter. Form into a disk and wrap in plastic wrap.

Set it in the fridge for about 30 or 45 minutes to take a little nappy nap. You can actually make the crust in advance and freeze until you're ready to use it or leave in the fridge for a few days. If you freeze it, just let it thaw in the fridge overnight.

Now the pastry cream filling.

Heavy cream - 2 cups.

1/2 cup sugar, whisk and put over medium low heat.

Make sure you whisk all the sugar until there are no lumpies.

Vanilla bean. Yes, they're a little expensive. But Costco has them and they were pretty cheap (relatively speaking). If you don't have this, you're pastry cream is going to taste significantly less delicious. Actually, I don't know that for a fact. It's my first time using real vanilla bean in anything.

If I didn't have vanilla bean I would've just substituted some vanilla extract. No big whoop.

But if you do, split this guy down the middle to expose the little beans inside the pod.

Good vanilla beans are a little moist, sorta chewy texture. Not that I would ever chew on a vanilla bean.

Use the blade to scrape the 'beans' out. I think I scraped too hard though b/c I got some of the little inner membrane - read: NOT the little beans or seeds or whatever the heck they are.

Again, first time working w/ a vanilla bean pod. I was overzealous.

Whisk the contents into the cream/sugar mixture and throw the pod in too.

In a separate bowl, crack 4 eggs.

Add in the other 1/2 cup of sugar and whisk until all the eggs are broken and the sugar is combined.

In another separate bowl (lots of dishes w/ this tart), get your milk and whisk in the cornstarch. If you've never worked w/ cornstarch, you HAVE to whisk for a while. There are lots of sneaky little lumps on the bottom of the bowl, trust me.

Whisked egg/sugar mixture.

Whisked milk/cornstarch mixture.

Now, you have to bring the cream/sugar/vanilla mixture to a slight boil. When it comes to a boil, fish out the pod. Take it off the heat.

Then temper the egg mixture with about 1/2 cup of the hot cream mixture, whisk the eggs vigorously! In fact, I get so paranoid about scrambling the eggs, I whisk before I start adding in the cream. Scrambled egg strawberry tart just sounds plain nasty to me.

After you bring the eggs up to temperature a little, then you'll add it back into the cream.

Add the tempered eggs into the hot cream mixture and whisk again.

When everyone's combined, put the mix back on the med/low heat to slowly heat back to a simmer.

Watch it carefully, because when it comes up to a simmer, slowly add in the milk/cornstarch mix.

Again w/ the paranoia, I started whisking immediately and added all the milk. Kept whisking.

As this mixture comes up to a boil, you've gotta keep stirring so you don't get lumps. Just be sure this absolutely comes up to a boil and simmer it at that heat for a few minutes. If not, apparently it can get gritty instead of staying creamy.

I was a little surprised at the texture of the cream too. I thought it was super thick. Anne Burrell compares it to pudding which seems pretty accurate when it's hot. But when it cools down, it's really thick. Almost gelatinous. After it cooled, I was a little worried I wouldn't like the texture but after you put a layer of strawberries and the apricot glaze (if using) it's perfectly fine. Any thinner and it would've leaked out everywhere.

Place the pastry cream into a bowl to cool and put some plastic wrap directly on the surface so it doesn't form a skin. I forgot about it for a sec and surely enough it formed this nasty skin. Luckily it was hot enough that when I stirred it the skin went away. Heed the warning, friends. Pastry cream skin is evil and will eat your children. Not really. But you don't want to waste all that cream and sugar.

Now the crust. First preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

If you froze it, just be sure it thaws overnight at least. If you made it in advance, and it's been sitting in the fridge for a while, let it rest at room temp for 10 minutes to take the chill off. Mine only sat in the fridge for a shy 30 minutes so it was rested but still easy to roll out.

I rolled it a little thin - I'll make it thicker next time but roll out to about 1/3" to 1/2" thickness. Then again, I like a thick crust.

Lay into your false bottom tart pan - mine's about 9 1/2"

The recipe suggests using some excess crust dough and ball it up and use it to press into the corners of the pan.

As you can see, my tart pan has some handles, so I couldn't just roll a rolling pin over the top and it be all pretty. I had to trim w/ a knife.

And only after that did I realize how thin I rolled it. I took some excess piece of dough and pressed them into the sides of the crust so it would be a bit more substantial.

Get some foil and put a layer on your crust. Then dump a bag of dry beans on top (or pie weights if you're a fancy pants).

I just had some kidney beans in the ol' pantry.

Extra crust, what to do?!

Why, make little mini tarts of course! Then I realized all I had was a bag of 15 bean soup. I don't think the mini tart noticed though.

Ok, after baking for 12 minutes or so, I took the foil off and put them back in the oven for 5 minutes. When I pulled them out, they looked like this. Disgraceful.

The minis were a little puffy too.

But that dang big tart. I had to poke a hole in it I was so annoyed. Then I remembered the pastry cream was going to forgive the crust all its sins. Let these cool for as long as it takes until they're room temperature. The pastry cream too!

Now, COOLED pastry cream into the COOLED tart. Watch out too - this crust is SUPER crumbly. I'm thinking for a few reasons - first, I didn't add enough water; second, I rolled it too thin.

Slice your strawberries.

And arrange. I did circles. Anne Burrell did lines. Whatever you want.

So the tart works perfectly fine if you want to eat it like this. I didn't eat mine right away and I was a little concerned w/ the strawberries and pastry cream drying out so I did the old apricot preserves glaze.

But if you're serving right away, you won't notice a difference.

This version is super fresh. Naked, if you will.

I had enough dough and cream to make two mini tarts.

And if you're making this ahead, mix up some apricot jelly if you can find it. I can't ever find jelly so I had to use my standby apricot preserves along w/ some water. Heat it up in a saucepan until everything is simmering. Turn the heat off and let cool. Just break up some of the chunks w/ a fork or whisk.

Glaze these bad boys.

So pretty! And such a crowd pleaser.

I made these in honor of the first day of spring!

Strawberry Tart

makes one 9" tart*

Adapted from this Anne Burrell recipe.

Crust
1 1/2 sticks super cold butter (I freeze mine), diced
1 cup flour
3/4 cup almonds, toasted
Pinch kosher salt
1 egg yolk
3 to 4 tablespoons ice water

Pastry cream
2 cups heavy cream
1 cup sugar, divided
1 vanilla bean, scraped
4 eggs
1/3 cup cornstarch
1/2 cup milk

Topping
1 quart fresh sliced strawberries
1/4 c. apricot preserves (apricot jelly is better, but I can never find it)
2 tbsp. water

Crust: Start by grinding almonds in the food processor until they resemble a coarse meal. Add the flour & salt to the almonds and pulse to combine. Then add the butter, pulse until coarse meal texture. Add egg yolk and ice water - 3 or 4 tablespoons. It's really important that it's ice water. That way it keeps the dough nice and cold, butter doesn't melt, etc. When the crust comes together into a ball in the food processor it’s done so don’t add the full amount of water (or add more if your ball isn’t forming after several pulses).

Dump the dough out on to a floured surface and knead 3 or 4 times. Form into a disk and wrap in plastic wrap. Set it in the fridge for about 30 or 45 minutes to rest. You can actually make the crust in advance and freeze until you're ready to use it or leave in the fridge for a few days. If you freeze it, just let it thaw in the fridge overnight.

Pastry cream filling: Pour heavy cream into a saucepan, whisk in ½ cup of sugar and put over medium low heat. Split the vanilla bean pod and scrape out the beans. Add the beans and pod into the cream mixture.

In a separate bowl, crack 4 eggs. Add in the other 1/2 cup of sugar and whisk until all the eggs are broken and the sugar is combined.

In another separate bowl, pour in milk and whisk in the cornstarch. Whisk until thoroughly combined.

Bring the cream/sugar/vanilla mixture to a slight boil. When it comes to a boil, fish out the vanilla pod and take it off the heat. Then temper the egg mixture with about 1/2 to a full cup of the hot cream mixture, whisk the eggs vigorously! After you bring the eggs up to temperature a little, then add it back into the cream and whisk together. Put the mix back on the med/low heat to slowly heat back to a simmer. Watch it carefully, because when it comes up to a simmer, slowly add in the milk/cornstarch mix.

As this mixture comes up to a boil, keep stirring to avoid lumps. Just be sure the mixture absolutely comes up to a boil and simmer it at that heat for a few minutes to avoid a gritty texture instead of staying creamy.

Place the pastry cream into a bowl to cool and put some plastic wrap directly on the surface so it doesn't form a skin.

First preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

If frozen, thaw the crust overnight in the fridge. If you made it in advance and it has been sitting in the fridge for a while, let it rest at room temp for 10 minutes to take the chill off. On a floured surface, roll the crust out to about 1/3" to 1/2" thickness. Lay into your false bottom tart pan. Using some excess crust dough and ball it up and use it to press the dough into the corners of the pan. Roll a rolling pin over the top to cut off the excess or trim w/ a knife.

Get some foil and put a layer on your crust. Then dump a bag of dry beans on top (or pie weights). Bake for 12-14 minutes and remove the beans/foil. Bake for another 5 minutes until golden brown and cooked through.

* Since I rolled the crust too thin I had extra crust. I just made little mini tarts with the extra ingredients.

Cool the crust and pastry cream until both are at room temp. The original recipe advises to use an ice bath to cool the filling down quickly. Fill the tart shell (s) and add sliced strawberries to the top.

So the tart works perfectly fine if you want to eat it like this. I didn't eat mine right away and I was a little concerned w/ the strawberries and pastry cream drying out so I did the old apricot preserves glaze.
Mix up some apricot jelly if you can find it. I can't ever find jelly so I had to use my standby apricot preserves along w/ some water. Heat it up in a saucepan until everything is simmering. Turn the heat off and let cool. Just break up some of the chunks w/ a fork or whisk.

Glaze the tarts, enjoy!